I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
