Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
