yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
