Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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