u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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