His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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