I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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