how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
