I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
