She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
