Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
