I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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