Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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