Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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