I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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