I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
