why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
