: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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