here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
