I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
