phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
