i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The air taste purple.
Randomize
