We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
