Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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