I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
