You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
