Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
