Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
