i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
