I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
