How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have demons in me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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