I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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