as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i now understand why vodka
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
