we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
