I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
