I will die if light touches me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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