thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
