I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
