if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
