Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
