his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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