It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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