I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
