I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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