i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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