mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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