I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if only i could text you this smell
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize