she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
