You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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