So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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