feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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