I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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