It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
