he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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