from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
