so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
