I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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