A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Boobs speak an international language.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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