Apparently you make a good broom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
