sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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