Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
