Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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