we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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