Taylor Swift is so right about you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
