The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
