wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
