I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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