420 ftw
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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