I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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