Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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