i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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