i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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