I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
