but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
