So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
