Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
