I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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