someone threw a dead crab at me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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