I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We have so much sex to catch up on
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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