I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
